


Home is Where the Heart is

by kullenite



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-02
Updated: 2015-07-23
Packaged: 2018-03-20 21:36:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3666042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kullenite/pseuds/kullenite
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cullen Rutherford, hometown good boy, runs away from everything he's ever known. Looking for a real home.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. This is Only the Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first real piece in like three years, so bear with me.

As his gas light came on, he lost the last of his will for the day. The moon high and big in the sky, he quickly pulled off the highway to refill and find somewhere to stay for the night. 

"Fuckin' hell." he muttered to himself. He finally checked his phone, seeing too many messages from his sister. 

_Where are you?_

_At least let me know you're okay._ That was stupid. Of course he wasn't okay. 

_Hell, let me know you're alive._

_Cullen, I love you. I miss you. When you feel up to it, call me._

_Please call me._

He couldn't think about that right now. The only person he really felt comfortable talking to was Keeran. And he was most likely asleep, considering he was the poster child for success. Went to college; a nice one at that, and got a girlfriend. Was doing rather well, from what Cullen had heard. 

It was all a little ridiculous, if he was honest with himself. He had run away, right before he almost conceded and gave his parents the future they wanted. Keeran was the one who convinced him that he was worth this. But as Cullen looked at the shitty motel room around him, he questioned all of it. He couldn't just go back home now. His parents had all but told him outright he wasn't welcome in their home anymore. It's not like his sister had the room. And besides, he needed to be away from them. He didn't know where 'away' was, but he knew he hadn't reached it yet. He hoped he did soon though, while he had been able to get all of his savings before his parents shut down his account, he didn't have much left to live on. Just gas, the odd snack here and there, and places to stay. He had been moderately okay before, never having to be explicitly poor. He wasn't used to this, and as much as he sounded like a piece of shit whiner, it was hard. 

"Fuck it." he said, reaching for his phone. 

_I'm alive, Mia. I'll call you when I have a place to stay. Love you and miss you too._

He sent the text before he could regret it. Looking back over it, he thought it was final enough. It felt like a "don't contact me until I contact you" kind of message. He groaned, stretching his sore body before pulling off his dirty shirt and pants, climbing into the shitty bed. 

He'd find it. He needed to find it. His home. 

_________________________________________________________________________

The next morning he woke with a surprising start, quick to get dressed and on the road. No sense of a destination, but a refreshed determination to get there. In the car he blared his most hype music, wanting to feel like he had a purpose. 

Arm out the window of his car, lit cigarette in hand, he felt nice like this. It wasn't too hot but it also wasn't cold. For a moment he thought maybe this was home to him. The open road, no duties, destination, real obligations out the window like the ashes from his cigarette. He shook his head, knowing himself better than that. In all his life, when he felt the most uncomfortable was when the outcome was unknown. These days, everything about his life was unknown. 

Hours later, after realizing he hadn't eaten anything since the barely a breakfast at the last motel he stayed at, Cullen pulled off into a small town to refuel and maybe treat himself to greasy diner food. The town was quaint, cute. 

After filling his tank, he found a very small diner, parked his car, and went inside. 

The man waiting for him at the counter was.... more attractive to him than he'd like to admit at the moment. Cullen wasn't exactly in good condition, and probably looked a hot mess, _especially_ to the beautifully tanned man before him now. But there was something there, he could recognize a similarity in those eyes. The pain he had carried with him for so long, he could see it, or something like it, in his eyes. 

"Hey, welcome man. My name's Dorian and I'll be your server today, because I'm the only one here," Dorian chuckled. "Anything in particular you'd like? Maybe after you stop staring at me like the last glass of water in the desert?" 

Cullen snapped his vision to the menu, blushing intensely. 

"It's cool man. I can tell you've been out a while. Where are you from?" Dorian looked to him, and Cullen felt his eyes on him. He couldn't believe he had just called him out like that. I guess he was the only one working here, no one to overhear him, no one to get embarrassed but Cullen. God, he felt so dumb. "Or if you're the silent type you could just point at what you want.." Shit! He hasn't said anything yet. Dorian probably already thinks he's weird. 

"Sorry, it's been... a long drive," he sighed. That didn't even begin to cover his story, but he hoped it would hold Dorian off for a minute, so he could regather his thoughts, and maybe seem like a functional human being. 

"Sounds like it." Dorian leaned on the counter. "Want a coffee?" 

Cullen smiled. Not a huge smile, just enough for his scar to twitch. "That would be amazing, thanks."

As Dorian got him coffee, Cullen watched the man move. He was smooth, hands knowing where to go seemingly as though they were separate from the rest of his body. He seemed almost bored, if Cullen was honest. 

"Here you go man," Dorian poured him a hefty cup. "I'm here if you wanna talk about anything. Anything at all. Not gonna lie, you're like the third customer in here today. Been pretty starved for conversation around here." 

Cullen thought about it for a moment. Sharing his story with someone he just met? He barely talked to anyone since he left. That was weeks ago. He was due for a real conversation, not just a text here or there, or a "Thank you, have a nice night." to the gas station attendants he encountered. 

"I'm from Kansas."

He sighed. "Bible belt."

"Ah. What are you doing so far from home I wonder?" Dorian smirked. "Why'd you leave?"

"Didn't want a life there, didn't wanna get stuck," it was a partial truth. He saw too many of his family get 'stuck' in their lives. Cousins who for all of their lives swore up and down that they would leave the second they could, but then would find a reason to stay. Jobs, love, or just home sickness, stuck most of his family in Kansas. He did want to be different from them, but for different reasons then he would let on in a short conversation with a diner server. "So I just left."

"Seems like it's a lot deeper than, 'Oh I just decided to leave' but that's... you obviously have your reasons." Dorian sat accross from him. "If it'll open you up, I can tell you my story... if you'd like? Maybe take your mind off of whatever struggles you're dealing with right now."

Dorian felt a need, a strange need to help/protect the curly blonde. Figured story time couldn't hurt any more than his eyes told him he already had been. 

"Sure." Cullen said. 

"Well.." Dorian began. "Where to begin then."

As Dorian unraveled his tale, Cullen instantly relaxed. They settled into their positions, both knowing that there was a long discussion ahead of them. 

 


	2. Sleep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dorian does something on a whim, and Cullen sleep talks.

"He really said that?" Cullen asked. 

"'No son of mine turns out to be an abomination!'" Dorian mocked his fathers words, twinge of pain in all of his features. "Yeah. He did."

There was a silence.

"I didn't even tell my parents," Cullen broke the comfortable lull. "I just left." 

It seemed selfish now, saying it out loud. Sure, he had told his sister, Mia. Keeran too, obviously. His parents though? The bible thumping Christians, the bad kind, that lived in the friendly family safe culdesac in western Kansas? No way. So when he had enough, and felt confident enough to actually do it, he piled as much of his belongings into his car as he could, and left early in the morning. Leaving nothing but a letter saying he would be gone, and not to freak out, but he wasn't coming back. 

"Seems safer that way, I can understand the appeal of secrecy," Dorian said. "I don't regret my coming out, but if I did it any other way I probably would have done what you did."

Cullen doubted that, looking at Dorian now, he seemed like a hero to him. He was brave enough, he thought, to bare all of himself to the world. Everyone he knew, knew he was gay. The only people who knew Cullen was gay were his sister and his best friend, and now Dorian. Who he hoped he could maybe count among his friends at some point. They had exchanged numbers during their conversation, both of them sensing that they would want to talk to each other more than just once in a diner. 

It was getting dark now, and as Dorian wiped the counter he thought of something incredibly stupid. Cullen had no where to stay for the night, he told Dorian about how he planned on just driving through the night. "I woke up late this morning anyway," he had said. "Should do me some good, I'll get some of the miles I missed today back." Cullen hadn't mentioned a destination. 

Cullen noticed Dorian was deep in thought and decided maybe now was a good time to go. Start driving so he could get as far as he could. Something tugged at him though, it felt like comfort, but he didn't wanna get his hopes up. 

"I'm gonna kick myself for days if I don't ask this," Dorian started, looking... nervous? Cullen couldn't tell. Dorian shook his head. "You look like shit, you could use a good shower, and maybe do some of your laundry. I, happen to have an apartment, with access to a shower _and_ a washer and dryer." 

Cullen's jaw dropped. Was he asking him to stay with him?

"Only if I'm not being too forward..." Dorian finished. 

"I... Uh. I mean," Cullen was stuttering, great. Now was a great time to start flustering over his words, and sounding like an idiot. A gorgeous man, with whom he just told his life story to, was asking Cullen to stay with him. The answer should be simple. Duh. But he couldn't get the words out. 

"No, you're right," Dorian stated, looking almost sad. "It was a stupid question, I'm sorry for--"

"No, no, no, I will." Cullen finally sputtered out. "I just... I didn't think..." 

Dorian beamed, and Cullen was caught off guard yet again. His smile was so beautiful. Cullen tried so hard to stop the blush creeping up his neck, failing miserably as he felt the familiar heat spread across his face. 

"You should grab your things then, because it's time to close," Dorian backed away from the counter, going around the tiny restaurant to double check everything. "Is there anything you want before we go? Now's the time to ask."

"No, I'm fine."

"If you say so, Cullen." Dorian chuckled. 

Cullen was thankful that Dorian wasn't looking at him right then, because he was a hot mess. That was the first time that Dorian had actually said his name, and his stupid heart twinged a little at the sound of it.

* * *

"Well, this is it," Cullen walked into the small living room of the apartment, decorated as he felt only Dorian could. Dorian was gesturing to the room, "You can chill on the couch if you want, I have to get some things ready. I've never really had a _guest_ before, so if you'll excuse me."

Dorian walked down the only hallway, towards what Cullen could only assume was a bedroom. Already flustered, Cullen made his way to the couch. Usually, if he had been with a new friend, he would be on his phone right now, but his phone wasn't exactly a welcome distraction. So he took to studying the room. Modern art on the walls, everything in black frames, and a classy black coffee table and T.V set. From the living room he could see the beginning of the "dining room," a small sleek black table with two stools was pressed up against the wall. 

Dorian walked back out to find Cullen staring around him, oblivious to his return. It was cute really. He had of course noticed that Cullen was handsome, but with the moon shining in from his sliding door, it was all he could think about. So they were stuck there for a second, each of them staring respectively, until Cullen broke the silence with a muffled cough.

"What was it you said earlier?" he asked, smirk on his face curling his scar up just slightly. "Something about being the last glass of water in the desert?" 

"Yeah, very funny," Dorian mumbled. "You make jokes, but you'll remember that _I_ invited you into my home, so you could look a little less... shitty."

Cullen was full on laughing now, and Dorian noticed the smile lit up the rest of his features. Crinkles by his honey brown eyes, head thrown back just slightly. Here he noticed his blond curls, and felt a sudden urge to run his hand through them. Cullen obviously did something to hold them back, he thought. Cullen quieted down just as he was imagining how they would look untamed. 

"So do you do anything here," Cullen started, seemingly more confident now that he had embarrassed Dorian slightly. "Or do you just work?" 

"Well, usually I am always by myself," Dorian said, serious tone lurking in the recesses of his voice. "But we could watch a movie, I have board games, video games, whatever. But I assume that maybe we should start by throwing some of your bound to be gross laundry in the washer." Dorian smiled. Now he had the upper hand. 

"Oh. I'll go get it," Cullen hopped up, grabbing his keys. "I'll be right back. Do you have a basket I could use?"

"Sure." 

* * *

 

After they got his laundry all sorted out, and a spot for Cullen to sleep for the night, Dorian plopped down on the couch. Finally comfortable, having changed out of his servers uniform, but more dressed than he would have been if he were alone. Pj pants, and an old ratty t-shirt on, he noticed that Cullen didn't have any pyjamas with him. He was still in his tired jeans and hoodie. 

"If you want I can grab you something more comfortable than..." He glanced up and down at Cullen, with a hint of disgust. "Well, it's just not acceptable. I'll be back with something. Whether you want it or not." 

Twenty minutes later, here they were on the couch, sitting too far away for Cullen's liking (if he was honest with himself, he'd rather be snuggling with him, but that was a tad inappropriate, given they'd only met today) but close enough for him to feel the heat radiating off of Dorian. Dorian had put a movie on, not something incredibly interesting, something to make him tired. 

"So..." Cullen started. 

"So." Dorian replied.

Well, if he was gonna kick himself before, he was definitely kicking himself now. Dorian could do better than this! He charmed the pants off of almost everyone he knew, but all of a sudden a sad blond boy was holding him up? No, Cullen was more than that. Looking at him, the clothes hung on his body in all the right ways. Dorian's clothes were a bit small, but it was delicious to look at on Cullen's bulky (in a good way) form. He wondered to himself, what had he done in high school to get that body? What sports? Was he any good? Suddenly there was a stupid image in his head of Cullen swinging a baseball bat at some unknown home plate. Baseball pants were torture, Dorian thought. 

Little did Dorian know that while he was thinking all of this, Cullen was sneaking peaks at him. Cullen, more shy in his staring than before, noticed Dorian obviously staring and got nervous. What was he thinking?

"Well.." Dorian started, looking at the time on the DVR. "I think I should go to bed. And maybe you too, considering I don't think you've gotten proper sleep in a long while, huh?"

"You're not wrong." Cullen breathed.

Dorian lifted himself up. "You know how the pull out works right?" Dorian gestured to the couch, "Just pull this up and out, and you've got yourself a bed."

"Thanks," Cullen looked down. "For all of this. Really, Dorian. You didn't have to do this."

"Well, color me charmed," Dorian chuckled. "You're welcome. Goodnight, Cullen."

"Goodnight Dorian."

* * *

 

Dorian woke at around 3 AM, to a thud. He was a light sleeper, but it still didn't sound right. Still groggy, he grabbed the small dagger he kept in his bedside table for protection, and headed towards the living room. 

"Hello?" He whispered. Nothing. Well, wait. Not nothing. He listened closer and heard mumbling. Suddenly remembering his guest, he lowered the dagger. 

"Cullen?" He whispered this time, receiving no response. He looked at him, curled up on the floor, shaking. "Cullen? Are you okay?" 

"Hmm?" Cullen was waking up. "What? Where am I?" Concern and fear colored his voice. 

Dorian rushed over, helping the man up, and sitting him back on the bed. "You're alright, it's Dorian," He looked at Cullen's eyes, still glazed with sleep. "Remember?" 

"Hmm? Yeah. The pretty one." Cullen mumbled. If he had thought he was waking, he was mistaken. It seemed that he was sleep talking. The pretty one? That made him smile, and feel a lot more than he should feel at the moment. 

"Yeah. The pretty one," Dorian said softly. "Here, lets lay you back down and get some more rest, hmm?" 

"Wait!" Cullen said. "Don't leave." Cullen grabbed him as he started to get back up, locking his hand around his wrist. 

"You need to sleep, curly." Dorian said.

Cullen wasn't having it. "Come here." He said. "Please?" He mumbled. His tone mimicking that of a child. 

Dorian couldn't say no at this point, so he sat back down. Cullen re-adjusted his sleeping position and all but slammed Dorian down next to him. Thick arms wrapped themselves around his waist, a soft breathing hitting the nape of his neck. Dorian's body covered in goosebumps. 

"Hmm.." Cullen mumbled from behind him. "Sleep." 

And with that, Dorian's eyelids drooped shut, and sleep took him. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was gonna try to give him nightmares, but I just couldn't do it. Any critiques are more than welcome! I'm surprised and overjoyed that people actually like this!


	3. Warm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen wakes up the morning after a surprise cuddle sesh. Completely oblivious. Extreme fluff, ya'll.

Cullen woke, panicking for a split second as he took in the unfamiliar surroundings of Dorian's apartment. He only slightly remembered waking up last night, something about Dorian helping him when he rolled off the bed? He was unsure. As he sat up on the bed, he saw a note on the coffee table. 

_If I'm not here when you wake up, I'm downstairs finishing up your laundry. Didn't wanna wake you._

_Good Morning sleepy head,_

_Dorian_

Cullen smiled lightly, reminding himself to thank Dorian when he was more awake. He also saw a towel on a chair and a note on the chair that said

_Shower, you stink._

Cullen dared to sniff himself, realizing just how bad hotel soap was, and how it did absolutely nothing for him. Grabbing the towel, he padded his way towards the hall bathroom, the cool tile floor under his feet waking him just slightly. 

The shower was running when Dorian returned, Cullen's laundry in hand. He had tried to hurry and finish it so he could see the curly blonde waking, but folding his laundry had been more interesting than he thought it would be. 

Dorian fondly remembered the events from last night, recalling how warm Cullen's arms had been around his waist, and how it had been too long since he had anything like that. A comfortable warmth. 

The shower stopped and Dorian found himself staring at the door, waiting all too patiently for Cullen to walk out. He was too excited for this; Cullen was just a guy, running away from home. He wasn't looking for anyone, or anything, but himself. But Dorian couldn't help but let his mind play around with the idea that maybe Cullen was fighting these same feelings for him. What could he do? He was a romantic, and he hadn't really been allowed to imagine these things before. 

"Sleep well?" Dorian said, as Cullen stepped into the hallway. He was absolutely... glorious? Is that too much? No. His hair, damp and loose, left ringlets on his forehead. Shirtless, Dorian could finally observe the muscles that had been not too extraordinarily hidden under his shirt from last night. The muscles that had been pressed close against his back as he slept. He fought hard against the blush that threatened to creep across his face as he looked at him. 

"Better than any night since I left," Cullen smiled, looking obviously refreshed. "Thank you again, man. I really appreciate this. I have to pay you back somehow." 

"Oh no," Dorian glanced out the window. "I already have your number. That's all I need. That and whatever last night was." The blush won over Dorian's tanned features, accentuating his cheekbones with a ferocity he hadn't felt before. 

"Last night?" Cullen looked genuinely confused, "Oh. Yeah, I should have told you, I roll off the bed all the time. Never could have bunk beds." He chuckled. 

"Oh," he didn't remember? "So you don't-- Oh. Okay."

"Hmm?"

"It's nothing," Dorian wasn't going to bring it up, sensing that if he did it would only crush his idle fantasies and he wasn't quite ready for that yet. "Are you hungry?"

Cullen could tell something was off, Dorian was completely avoiding _something_. 

"Yeah," Cullen admitted, stomach audibly growling. "But that can wait. What's up? What happened last night?"

"Well," Cullen noticed that Dorian was fiddling his thumbs. It was cute, and distracting. His hands flaunting their nimbleness, and Cullen's mind almost drifted to... inappropriate places. Dorian looked at the floor before continuing, "last night when you rolled off the bed, you kind of... _forcedmetocuddlewithyou_."

Both men were totally flushed now, Dorian staring at the hardwood floor, counting the grains in the old wood. Cullen was frozen, processing the words that had unceremoniously tumbled out of Dorian's mouth, which Cullen noticed now had a plumpness he had not seen before. 

"I..." He paused, that couldn't be right. He'd only fallen out of bed, nothing more, nothing less. "I did what?"

"Well," Dorian started. "When I helped you back into the bed last night, you locked your hand around my wrist, and you wouldn't let me leave." He was still staring at the floor. "And you pulled me down into the bed with you, and basically locked me here." 

"Oh." Cullen audibly swallowed. "I'm... sorry for doing that. I didn't mean to--"

"I liked it." Dorian blurted. 

He liked it? Cullen felt a strong feverish heat spread through him. He hadn't even remembered cuddling Dorian; he almost felt... cheated? Dorian liked it though. That was definitely interesting. 

"I'm sorry," Dorian blurted again. "I shouldn't have said anything, I obviously made you uncomfortable..." 

"No, no, no," Dorian looked up at Cullen now, and Cullen noticed a glint of hope in his doe-y eyes. "I just... I don't know. I feel kind of cheated?" It was Cullen's turn to stop using his filter. "You got to experience it, but I was asleep." He frowned, but only slightly. 

Dorian laughed. Cackled almost, letting loose all the tension inside of him. He thought he was going to drive him away, not make him envious. It was too cute, here Cullen was, still in only a towel, and he had the most childlike frown on his face. Dorian couldn't help the laugh, he just hoped he hadn't hurt Cullen's seemingly fragile feelings.

"It's just unfair is all," Cullen mumbled, looking thoroughly embarrassed. "S'not a big deal I guess."

Dorian got up, catching Cullen by surprise and hooking his arms around his waist from behind. Relishing in the feel of his all too warm and familiar skin against his, he laid his cheek on Cullen's bare shoulder blade. 

"Is this better?" He mumbled. Confidence and swagger out the window when it came to real feelings and closeness. 

"Much." He could hear the smile in Cullen's voice, and felt the mans muscles tighten and pull him closer. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that this is so awkward and short... I wanted to capture what I think they might be like in the morning, especially considering the situation. I don't know if I did it justice. As always, comments and criticism are welcomed!


	4. Practice Makes Perfect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two idiots confront the feelings they don't even know for sure that they have.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This might be equally as awkward as the last chapter, and I'm super sorry about that! Thank you guys for sticking with me! As always, critique is welcome!

After their embrace, they hadn't really talked about anything. Dorian had awkwardly retracted himself, and immediately left for work. Cullen had originally felt really good after, but with time there had been room for doubt. And he was in Dorian's apartment, just stuck with his thoughts. He thought about maybe driving around, maybe visiting Dorian, but what if Dorian had come back while he was gone? What if the diner was busy? So he stayed. He knew he _could_ leave, but his body wasn't keen on letting him leave. So he sat, on Dorian's couch, rubbing his temples and watching tv. Every once in a while he'd get up and go through the impeccably clean kitchen, grabbing something small to hold him over. 

He'd never really had the chance to even begin having feelings for someone before, so he wasn't used to any of this. The only relationships he had to pull from are the relationships he'd had with girls to make his parents happy. None of them very long, considering he was beyond not interested. Sure, he liked them all, they were all good people. Just... not what he was looking for. So to have those small inklings in the pit of his stomach, was making Cullen beyond happy. But on top of that, he couldn't help but think, is this it? Is this where I stop? 

Dorian was at the empty diner having very similar thoughts. He had been with other men, but nothing like this. All of his relationships had been... physical. Of course, he knew he found Cullen attractive, and yeah, he'd heard his "story", but was this real? What was he supposed to do? Cullen didn't even have anywhere to live, he was living out of his car. What would happen when he left? If he left could Dorian handle it? Yes, they'd just met, but with neither of them being very experienced, of course they fell hard. 

So when Dorian parked his car outside of his building, he sat for a moment. He needed to clearly think about this, so he didn't walk in there and scare the shit out of Cullen. He needed to accept that this could literally just be a physical thing, just like before. Sure, Cullen seemed like he was into him, but he'd been there before. He needed to prepare himself for hurt, and having to hide that hurt. 

Cullen heard the car in the parking lot turn off, looking at the clock and hoping desperately that it was Dorian. He hadn't done anything but doubt himself all day, and what he really needed was someone to hold him and listen to him. He had tried calling Keeran today, but he didn't answer, so Cullen was left alone all day. He was pacing now, trying to pull all of his thoughts together for the coming confrontation. He had to admit to himself, especially after his day, that he had feelings for Dorian. He thought that maybe, just maybe, Dorian reciprocated the same feelings. He hoped, for the first time, that he could stay for just a little while here. 

The door opened and Dorian saw Cullen's obviously stressed state. Cullen flushed, stopped pacing and leaned up against the wall. 

"So.." Dorian started. What could he even say? It's not like he could just come out and be like 'What are we? What is this?'. But what else could he do? "Rough day?"

Cullen chuckled and rubbed his neck, looking down at the ground. "Yeah, you could say that." He moved to sit on the couch, motioning for Dorian to come over. "Can we chill, for a little bit?"

"Yeah," Dorian was taken aback, but didn't let it show. "Lemme just change out of this, so y'know, I don't smell like the underside of a fryer and cigarette butts."

Dorian walked to his bedroom, trying to plan the conversation in his head, while quickly changing into a pair of sweatpants that were as flattering as sweatpants could be, and an old t-shirt. 

Walking back out, Dorian stopped just before the hallway ended and peeked around the wall. This way he could admire Cullen just before what he feared would be the end of this. His blonde locks obviously tousled, Cullen had been running his hand through them all day. Cullen's shoulders sagged as he sat on the couch, his clothes clinging to his form a little tighter thanks to the dryer shrinking them just slightly. Dorian admired him this way, as the innocent boy he picked up from the diner, running away from everything he ever knew. He pushed down his emotions as much as he could and, taking a deep breath, walked out into the living room. 

"Okay, Dorian," Cullen blurted out. "I think maybe we should talk about... I don't know. Honestly." He was struggling. "I've just been sitting here all day worrying that this was the last time I was gonna get to see you or talk to you, and I realized I didn't want that. For the first time in a while I felt like staying somewhere? And I wanna talk to someone, anyone, about that. I just don't wanna scare you off, and I don't wanna assume--"

Dorian quickly walked over to where he was, sitting next to him on the couch. "Cullen, you aren't scaring me," Dorian picked one of the hands that Cullen had pressed to his temples, and held it firmly in his own. "It's okay. You can talk to me. Don't worry, okay?"

The silence that followed was short but comfortable. They looked into each others eyes, Cullen sighed. 

"I just," he started, gripping Dorian's hand back. "I feel comfortable here. With you, like this." He pulled his other hand up and pressed it to Dorian's cheek. "I've never done any of this before, ever. But I think this is right?" 

Dorian pushed back on Cullen's hand, relishing in the way his lightly calloused hands, rough skin, felt against his face. The warmth of it all burning him to the core. 

"I get what you mean," Dorian said, his voice sounding too quiet to his own ears. "And I haven't really done this before either." 

"Cool," Cullen laughed, catching Dorian off guard. "We're both completely lost!"  

"Well, I wouldn't say that." Dorian chuckled. "You got me in bed with you even though you were asleep, and don't even remember it, so."

Cullen instinctively pulled back, worrying that he was doing too much, being too.. mushy. And then Dorian pulled him up under the crook of his arm, and snuggled him tight against his chest. 

"This," He said, his voice in his chest rumbling against Cullen's cheek. "This is good. Here I was, preparing myself for the worst."

"What do you mean?"

Dorian froze for a second, worried again that he'd scare Cullen off. But continued anyway.

"I just... Like you said before," he started, pausing to find his words. "Neither of us have done this before. I've had relationships but.. nothing like this." He paused, making sure to make eye contact. "Nothing with emotion."

Cullen, on a leap of faith, took two seconds more to look at Dorian's face, and then kissed him. It was red hot, and Dorian didn't kiss back at first, surprised at the sudden approach. This was technically Cullen's first kiss, so after the shock of actually doing it passed, he worried that he might be doing it wrong. 

Dorian was hot, all over. He pulled Cullen away to change positions and pulled him closer, holding the back of his head and weaving his fingers through those marvelous curls. Cullen's lips were soft, and seemingly less warm than the rest of him, and extremely welcomed. 

As Cullen pulled away, slightly huffing, Dorian laid his head down on his shoulder, taking in his smell. Now that he didn't smell like old mattresses and shitty coffee, and more like cologne and smoke. It wasn’t unpleasant, no, quite the contrary.

“... You keep doing that, and I don’t think we’ll get much talking done.” Dorian smirked, and Cullen noticed just how cute that crooked smirk looked with his stupid mustache.

“So…” Cullen said. “That was good? I mean. Yeah. That was good.”

“Oh no.” Dorian chuckled. “That wasn’t your first kiss, was it?”

Cullen’s eyes shot to the floor, his face flushing red.

“ _Oh no_.” Dorian was laughing now. “That just _won’t_ do.”

Still laughing, he pulled Cullen up to face him, and firmly pressed their lips together. Now was as good a time as any to practice, and Cullen wasn’t leaving anytime soon.


	5. Just Nerves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen calls Mia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Warning* This is a couple days/almost a week or so after the last chapter in terms of time. That's why Cullen has a job, and is already getting an apartment (in Dorian's building no less ;) )! I really like this!! But as always critique is welcome! I'm sorry about the wait by the way, I got hit with some serious writers block! Much love, and thank you for reading!! //v\\\

Cullen paced up and down the hallway outside of Dorian's small apartment. Double checking in his mind everything he wanted to say, rehearsing how things would go down. He ran his hands through his already messed up curls. Dorian peeked out at him, gauging whether or not to come out and comfort him or to leave him be and watch from afar. He decided comfort was probably best. He stepped out, walking behind Cullen and wrapping his lithe arms around the man's waist, nuzzling into him from behind. He felt the muscles in Cullen's body tense, and then immediately relax. 

Cullen sighed, and rubbed his eyes. "Hey.." he mumbled. 

"It's going to be okay you know." Dorian spoke. "You've come out to her already, right?"

Dorian watched as Cullen turned around in his arms, facing him. He bent down slightly and kissed Dorian's hairline, and then his cheek, and then lightly on his lips. 

"It's different than that," Cullen sighed again. "This is somehow a lot bigger than, 'Oh hey, I only go for dudes.'"

Cullen thought for a second. Maybe his melodramatic sister would be fine. He would tell her that he was fine and well and dandy, and she wouldn't freak out and tell him to come home immediately. Then logic reasserted itself, and he spoke again.

"It's just..." He started. How could he say this? "You don't know her. She's difficult." 

His whole family was difficult, one of the many reasons he left. But he knew that he had promised her a call, and he felt like now was as good a time as any. His thoughts paused when he saw the look on Dorian's face. 

"I'd like to.. Know her, that is." Dorian looked.. he didn't know. Hurt? Maybe. 

Pulling him tight to his frame, Cullen hugged him. "You might," he paused. "Just maybe not when she hates me for running away from home."

"If you say so." He hugged back lightly. As they pulled apart, Dorian looked up at him. "But I promise, it's not going to be as bad as you think it will be. You should call her."

Cullen sighed, knowing that Dorian was right. He pulled out his phone and dialed her number, holding the phone up to his ear and trying to calm himself with each ring. 

"Cullen?!" She greeted him, "What's up? Are you okay? Do you need money? Do you need me to come get you?"

"Hey," he started, his voice wavering a little. He didn't realize hearing a familiar voice would do this to him. "I'm fine. It's actually what I wanted to talk to you about."

"Oh?" she said, nerves clear in her voice. 

"Yeah, I uh..." he glanced at Dorian's closed apartment door. "I uhh... found someplace. That I like."

"That's good..." she was openly suspicious. "Where?"

"I'm in a really small town in Arizona," he said, not sure if he should tell her about Dorian still or not, hoping that the topic wouldn't be brought up. "It's cute, and quaint. I found a job, and I'm getting apartment stuff sorted out right now."

"Thats... good," She paused. "Why Arizona? If you wanted hot summers and an abundance of old people you could have just stayed home you know." 

"You know I couldn't do that, Mia." sternness in his voice now.

"Sure. I know." He could imagine her face now, filled with skepticism. "I also know that you're hiding something from me."

"Well..."

"What, Cullen." she paused. "Don't bullshit me this time."

"Well," he started. "I kind of... I don't know how you'll take this. But whatever. I met someone."

A long pause. Deep breath. 

"Really?" another pause. "You should know you don't have to hide that from me. I'm happy for you."

He thought for a good second about that. She was just trying to make him comfortable, something she always did. Protecting him from what she always really thought, as long as he was happy.

"Now you're bullshitting me." he said bluntly. 

She laughed, which caught him off guard. "Only slightly," she paused again. "It's probably just nerves, but I really am happy for you. I'm just also worried for you."

Another pause. 

"I just want you to stay safe. Okay?" the sincerity in her tone was so deep and embedded in her that he could imagine her with tears while she said it. 

"I am, Mia. I promise. I just... I needed to be alone for a little bit. Okay?" 

"I understand that. Just know that I love you, okay? I love you and I miss you."

Her voice caught, and she sniffled, making him tear up. 

Dorian stepped out at just the wrong moment it seemed, looking at the scene in front of him. Tears in Cullen's eyes, and his face towards the ground. But just as he started to close the door, leaving him to his worries, Cullen reached out his hand to him, looking up with those teary amber eyes and smiling brilliantly at him. So he stepped close, hugging him around the waist and letting Cullen rest his head on top of his own. 

"I love you too, Mia." 

"I swear, when you get a computer, you better video chat me with this 'someone'. Got it?" 

"His name is Dorian," he chuckled. "And you'll be the first one to get a call. Thank you, for being so cool about all this. I really love you."

"I love you too. It's no problem," she sniffled again. "I only want you to be happy."

"I gotta go, okay?" he said. "I'll talk to you soon."

"You better. Bye, Cullen."

"Bye."

Click. 

He hugged Dorian so tight to his body. The sobs would come any second now. It was stupid, but he was still shaky from the call. It was just nerves, though. 

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> idk idiots being sexy idiots are my weakness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im so so so so so so sorry about the extreme delay on this. I don't know if anyone will even read it, let alone like it. but.. thank you in advance? 
> 
> (this was written un-beta'd and drunk so bear with me)

Dorian sat in his empty apartment, surveying his surroundings. It had only been a couple weeks since Cullen had been here, and since they had unceremoniously confirmed they both wanted whatever this was, and yet... His apartment felt empty without him. Of course it was ridiculous, but Dorian couldn't help but be sentimental for that first night they shared. Now that Cullen was here for good (he hoped), it was all work. Cullen had found a little job at the local mall, small as hell but still a job. Paid well enough, that's for sure. Cullen had really come from nothing, Dorian thought. Here he sat, with all his little electronics and junk, all bought with his fathers money, and Cullen's apartment barely had a decor. It was a couch, a bed, and some appliances. He didn't even have food in the fridge, every time Dorian had been to his place, they had ordered takeout. 

The door opened lightly and Dorian looked up, seeing Cullen there. 

"Speak of the devil," Dorian said, more to himself. 

"Hm?" Cullen said, walking towards him and hesitantly pressing a kiss to Dorian's lips. Cullen was tired, dead tired. He was taking anything he could get hours-wise at his new job, and that really wore him out. He stretched his arms and legs as he sat on the all too comfy couch, letting Dorian snuggle into his side. 

"Nothing, dear." Dorian responded with a light chuckle, leaning up to kiss the stubble that had begun to line Cullen's jaw. It was rough against his lips, but deliciously so. 

Cullen cleared his throat, and Dorian stopped. They hadn't gone past lips, and Dorian had forgotten, again. They hadn't talked about it either, but the unwritten rule was that it made Cullen uncomfortable, and Dorian immediately felt guilt. 

"No.." Cullen looked at him. "You didn't have to stop, I just- that felt- Maker this is difficult." 

Dorian's eyes darkened a little, "Felt good, didn't it?"

Cullen may or may not have whimpered. He did however, nod. Dorian took that as an invitation for more, and sat up to straddle Cullen's lap. 

"Is this.. okay?" Dorian whispered, not wanting to cross any more lines. Cullen nodded again, and let his hands slide from Dorian's shoulders, down his sides, and over his ass. Dorian was.. magnificent. 

Dorian inhaled sharply when Cullen did that, and his eyes went wide. Cullen moved him closer, wanting to smell the spice and citrus that Dorian was, and Dorian kissed him. Like, really kissed him. More than he had ever been kissed. Tongues dragged over one another, each of them breathing heavy with their mouths open. Dorian's hands were in his hair, tugging him impossibly closer and somehow tethering himself to this world. Cullen had never experienced anything like this. 

They parted and through breaths that were all too ragged, Cullen spoke. "That was.." he kissed him lightly. "Nice." 

"Just nice, huh?" Dorian smirked, knowing the blond would immediately stutter at that.

"No!" Cullen blushed, "More than that. Way more." 

They kissed again, and this time Cullen jerked his hips up, meeting Dorian's needingly. "We could.. move this to the bedroom," Dorian whispered in Cullen's ear. "If you'd like?"

Cullen firmly grabbed Dorian's ass now, standing and lifting the man up with him. "I would." He kissed him again as Dorian used Cullen's shoulders to guide them back to his bedroom. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've never written smut before.. but uh.. I know this isn't it? I don't know, that seemed like a really good place to end it and i'm really sorry but i think you guys will have to wait for the next chapter for real sexy times.  
> At least you know there'll be a next chapter this time, right? 
> 
> You can find me answering cullrian prompts and being an overall dork for these two on tumblr! url is the same as the username here!


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